OK, So the Sun WILL Come Out Tomorrow...

I thought I'd better write a post to follow up the previous one.  Since I posted last, I have received several really encouraging messages, and an overwhelming amount of offers for help. I really appreciate all of those, but what I really was encouraged by most what the prayer support.  I am absolutely 100% sure that being lifted up to the Father by all of you has helped more than anything else.  Not that I'm saying everything is all better instantly - far from it - but it has really made a difference.  Even in the middle of the sleep deprivation and craziness, I have felt more calm and peaceful and equipped to handle the situation, but I know it's only because God is carrying me through.  

I have gotten countless messages from people like the wonderful Dr. Mara, and spent hours (well, maybe more like minutes... we do all have new little ones after all) on the phone with the other MBHOH Moms who we traveled with, but I think the one thing God used the most to get to me was a message from Jack's Mom in which she said "Nothing you do for Asher out of love will be the wrong choice in the long run. Just love him and parent as God leads you to feel comfortable with and you will get through the days with no regrets." Wisdom from a Mom who has not only survived this process twice, with two bio kids as well, but is also going back for another!  You see, I happen to have the sometimes bad character trait of thinking that if I've read instructions for something, I am required to follow those instructions to the letter!  Also, I tend to think that if someone knows enough about something to write a book or teach a training course, that they must know more about it than I do, and thus should be heeded.  Now, I'm not saying the instruction of those who wrote out our agency's training papers and courses don't know anything.  They have studied it, are certified in what they do, and have most likely helped lots of other families.  However, it was also nice to be reminded that it's also ok to deviate from their recommendations (because they ARE recommendations; not requirements) and do what I think is best for my children and my family.  

Those words didn't necessarily do anything magical to make Asher's transition any easier for him (he can't read), but it made a world of difference in my outlook.  I was able to meet his needs with a little more patience and gentleness.  I was able to enjoy his smile and silliness again, rather than thinking in the back of my head that he was diabolically plotting his next tantrum while luring me into thinking he was happy. (hey! sleep deprivation can do crazy things to your brain! I am mostly positive at this point that he is not a diabolical supergenius.)  I am able to see little tiny bits of progress each day, and though I know this process is going to take a LONG time, it is those little breadcrumbs that get me through.  

I have to brag on the little man now for a while.  1.  He now signs the word "please," at least when he's sitting in his booster chair and is calm enough to think before screaming about what he wants.  He doesn't calmly do it every time, but I think we've conveyed the point that it's the only way he will get what he wants.  So, even in the midst of the loudest fit aimed at getting food, he will eventually stop and "say" please.  My sign language is very limited, but this seems to be a good way to allow him to express himself.  So, I think we will be researching that more.  

2.  He now naps in the bedroom with Benjamin.  They haven't gotten to the point where they just go to sleep quickly, as Benjamin did pre-roommate, but they do get to sleep eventually.  They usually talk to and yell at each other for a while, throw their blankies, blankets, socks, and anything else removable out of the beds and cry for them, Asher routinely poops on command to get out of the bed (and yes, I do check them thoroughly before putting them down), but eventually their attempts quiet and they sleep quite well for a couple hours.  It's actually going to be more difficult next week once Josh goes back to work because I won't be able to leave them with him and just let them sleep while I pick Gracie up from school, but school has been a nice way to get back on schedule.

3.  He is slowly easing into nighttime.  He now knows the routine of getting to bed.  I've tried to keep it very structured and very predictable for him every night so that he will feel like he knows what to expect.  He still doesn't exactly like getting to bed, in fact, he cries and protests his way through a good portion of it. However, the funny part is that he will actually take my hand and lead me from point A to point B, walking through what needs to be done, crying the whole time.  He knows that we brush teeth and then go to the kitchen to get his bottle (yes, I know, drinking the bottle after the teeth have been cleaned is counterproductive, but that's how it goes for now), and then on to my bedroom for bottle, a song, a prayer, and a little snuggle time before getting in the crib.  He doesn't cry very long now when put down, and has actually slept through the night for the past two nights.  Now, I'm not deluded enough to think we've beaten the bedtime traumas in any way.  He's gone two nights before where he's slept all night, and then he goes back to being restless all night again (because you know, he had two good nights' sleep.  He's gotten his energy up).  In fact, the two nights before the two that he slept were so awful, I'm not surprised that he was exhausted enough to sleep for a couple nights, and tonight may be terrible just because I've written about improvement and kids are bound to make a liar out of you at every turn!  So, we're not over the sleep issues, but again, progress is visible and very encouraging.

4.  He's getting more used to being in the car.  That's good.  He had his first haircut and took it like a pro, only slightly fussing at the very end when we were trying to get at the nape of his neck, unlike Benjamin who screams as soon as he sees the clippers!  Asher had to get quite a bit of bloodwork done on Thursday as part of a routine check, and he didn't give more than a whimper.... very impressive, particularly seeing as he was actually asleep up until about 30 seconds before he got poked by the needle! Not a friendly wake-up call for anyone!  He still eats like a champ and has bulked up a little bit since his last Dr.'s weigh-in (though we weren't really concerned about that at all. He's fine.  But the boy likes to eat!)  And of all the kids, he is the least picky eater of all, which is so refreshing!  I guess most anything beats out congee!

So, I hope this post serves to prove that life isn't all grumpy rain clouds over here.  It's still tough.  No one ever said it wouldn't be.  Life is tough any way you look at it, and we knew going into this that it was going to take work.  Parenting always does.  I am so encouraged though by the prayer and support we have received.

I also have to take a moment to thank everyone who has already or is planning to being us meals!  I do enjoy cooking, but it has been tremendously helpful to not have to think about food prep every day in the middle of all the craziness.  So, thank you, all you wonderful people!  You have blessed us in a major way!  Thank you!

And now, as promised, a few pictures of the smiley, crazy boy!  

 Enjoying a new toy at Christmas.

You can get the feeling that he's going to run and smack something with it... because apparently that is what all toys are for!

 He actually fell asleep mid-lunch a while back.  None of my kids have ever done this!

 Playing dress-up.  Thanks, Aunt Nady!

 Sportin' the new 'do!

Bye bye, bowl cut!