The Whos, Whens, Whys and Hows of All of This

So, I think that if you've ever spent more than 3 hours with me, you probably have heard me mention that someday we plan to adopt a baby.  I've probably also mentioned that it will be an international adoption.  There is so much to say about it though, so the best way I can figure to explain it all is to put it in FAQ format.  These are all questions that I have, at one point or another, been asked by someone.  The only difference now is that they are finally relating to our present lives, and not just some nebulous idea about the future.  If you think of any other questions, feel free to post them in the comments section, and I'll add them to the list here!

Q: Why adoption?

A: Well, I kind of explained this in the header on the blog itself.  I can't even really fully explain why, other than just to say that it's something I know God has planned for me to do. It's something I have just known for as long as I can remember.  I know Josh and I discusssed it really early on in our dating relationship as well (we did talk about kids on the very first date, after all!).  He didn't have the same passion for it from the beginning, but has come around to the idea and is completely on board.  We realize that in order to go through with something this big, we have to be on the same page with things!  Anyway, I have always had this image in my mind of one day having a little Asian girl running around the house. I am positive that this is something God wants us to do because, honestly, the idea of investing a really large amount of time, money, and emotional involvement to fly halfway across the globe to bring back home a child who doesn't know us at all or understand our language, and who has a medical condition (I'll get into that in a minute), just isn't something I could come up with on my own, just because I need something else added to my plate!  However, I don't even have the words to write here that will sufficiently explain how passionate I am about this, and how thrilled I am that it's finally beginning to happen!

Q: Why China? 

A:  As I mentioned in the last question, I have always had the picture of a little Asian girl running around the house, but we weren't only looking into China adoptions.  Since we are convinced that this is something God had ordered, we also believe that He has every step of this process planned out for us.  It is our job to be obedient to His plan in this.  So, I didn't want to limit things to China just because of some picture in my head.   We researched South Korea, Colombia, Guatemala, Haiti, India, and a few other countries.  However, due to different factors including age ranges, predictability of the process, and time required for travel, we prayerfully concluded that China was indeed the best match for our family.

A few people who know we'd begun the process asked why we haven't switched over to a Haiti adoption now, in light of the recent tragedy there.  My response to that question is this: The situation in Haiti is awful, and  I know that there are potentially millions of children waiting for families there now.  However, we are confident that China is the place for us, and just because a huge need has opened up in one area, it doesn't in any way reduce the need that has existed for a really long time in another area.  Yes, I know the Haitian kids need families too, but there are so many children all over the world, and even in our own country whose situation is just as desperate.  We will stay the course and stick with the plan we've put in motion, confident that this is what we're called to do.

Q: Why now?

A:  Well, very basically put, we're finally old enough.  China has an age limit for adoptions.  You must me at least 30 years old to be able to adopt.  I will turn 30 in July.  So we are hoping to have all our papers in order and have them sent off as soon as I'm old enough.

Q: What is the time frame we're looking at?

A:  Typically the China adoption program takes about 38 months these days.  There are a lot of people who enter the program and wait years and years to finally have a child placed with them.  We are not going that route though.  We have chosen to enter the "Waiting Child" program.  Basically, "waiting children" are those who are either older than people are usually looking for, or have a medical condition.  This program goes much more quickly.  It all depends on which children are on the wait list when our paperwork is processed, but we could be bringing our baby around Christmas of this year (2010), of course, there could be bumps along the road which will delay the timeline, or it could go more quickly.  While an accelerated timeline is definitely not the only reason to go with a waiting child, it is nicer than a 3 - 4 year wait!

Specifically, we are willing to adopt a child with a minor medical condition - something that can be relatively easily repaired with a few surgeries.  These may include cleft lip and palate or a minor heart condition like ASD or VSD.  We have a list of eight to ten conditions that we are willing to consider adopting.  Some of these conditions are things that will already have been "fixed" before we even get to the child, but some may require more work on our part back home.  Basically though, we will not accept anything that requires us to spend lots and lots of time in the hospital because of two reasons. 1: Our home town is small and doesn't have treatment facilities for most of the more serious conditions. So we would have to continuously travel to a larger city, and splitting up the family that much wouldn't be beneficial, which leads us to reason 2: We do already have three biological children.  Yes, bringing this new child into the family will require changes to be made by everyone, just like when a new biological baby comes, but we have to be fair to the other kids as well as do everything we can to help the new little one.

Looking over the Medical Conditions Checklist for the Waiting Child Program is one of the most difficult decisions to make.  It's so hard to look at it objectively and say "I will accept a child with X,Y, and Z problems, but not this or that."  Jesus hung out with lepers and sick people, so who am I to discriminate?  But realistically we do have to think about the children already in this family.  So we will not go with a child who has a communicable disease (HIV, HepB, etc), and we won't be going with a child with severe developmental problems, Central Nervous System issues, or something that will require extensive surgical procedures (as listed above).  I do realize that you can never be fully prepared for any child, and you never know if your own biological child will be born with a medical issue, or will end up diagnosed with something later on in life, but we feel we have to just be objective and practical about this decision, and leave the emotions at the door for this one.

Q: Will you definitely be adopting a girl? How old will the child be?

A: It's always been a girl in my head. I don't know why. Maybe because I came from a family of three girls and I never even really thought about having a biological boy, much less adopting one? Benjamin was a curve ball to me!  Maybe it's because I know that the majority of children adopted from China are girls because of their government's one child policy, and most families wanting boys.  So, that little piggie-tailed girl in a dress that's been in my head all this time is definitely there.  However, I LOVE my baby boy, and we absolutely will not turn a child away simply based on gender.  So, we've decided to take this as we would a regular pregnancy and see what comes.  Mathematically speaking, there are more girls than boys in the "regular child" program, but more boys than girls in the "waiting child" program.  And the branch director at the agency that we're going with indicated that, due to the fact that we're open to a boy with the conditions we're willing to take, it shouldn't take long for us to be matched with a child.  When I asked her, she did say that on paper, just looking at numbers, we're more likely to get a boy, but it doesn't always go purely statistically, and it all depends on which children are available at the time. So, all that to say, we really don't know if we'll end up with a boy or a girl, but I do have a girl's name picked out (Way ahead of myself, I know)!

As far as age goes, we applied for a child 18 months or younger.  Typically seven to eight months is the absolute youngest to come out of the program, but I think this is kind of rare.  From what I understand, 10 months is probably the average youngest we could get.  We'll see.  Again, we're open to anything, but given a choice, we'd prefer as young as possible.

Q: What agency are you with? What made you choose this agency?

A:  We have chosen Chinese Children Adoption International.  Josh did his "spreadsheet magic" brand of research and weeded through lots and lots of agencies, whittling it down to two.  We did a teleconference with the President of CCAI, and then met in person with the branch director, and just knew this was the agency for us.  There are so many reasons why, and if you ask me in person, I'll gush about them for hours, but basically we appreciated that they are very experienced, completely up front about costs, dedicated to holding families' hands, doing everything with integrity, and most importantly, doing what is best for the child above all else.  There's a link to their site on the side of the page here.  Check them out!

Q: Will you actually be travelling to China?

A: Yes.  Once we're matched with a child, and all the paperwork is processed, Josh and I will have to go to China for 2 - 3 weeks to bring our baby home.  Josh is excited to go visit there.  I think it'll be very cool, though I'd never thought of going there for tourist reasons, but it is fascinating!  We are looking forward to the trip, but more so to bringing our little one home!

So, that's a really short (yes... short!) explanation of things.  Again, if you have more questions, post them and I'll try to answer.  Or call me... I can talk about this for days on end!  ;)