"I Finally Got It" or "It Really Is a Big Deal!" ... pick your title...

Disclaimer:  This post is very personal.  It has taken a great deal of thought, prayer, and reflection to get to this point, and while I am very excited to share the insights I’ve been blessed with, sharing this level of introspection requires being willing to be vulnerable to criticism.  So, please just remember that I’m writing this in a journal-y kind of way.  And while I always appreciate comments on the blog, if you think I’m crazy, please be gentle.

So, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the questions I get regularly when people learn we’re adopting.  “Why are you doing it? What made you decide to adopt? Why is the wait so long if there are so many kids who need a home?”  These are questions I couldn’t give a really specific answer to.  Some people understand, but a lot of people look at me like I’m fairly crazy when I tell them “I don’t know. I just have always known that adoption is something that God wants me to do.”  And I honestly don’t know why the wait is so long.  I mean, I know that there is a process that needs to be followed for the safety of both the children and the adoptive families, and that anything that involves governments of multiple countries is going to involve a lot of bureaucracy, and thus delays, but still when you see the numbers of just how many kids need homes it does make you wonder why they can’t plug them in faster. 

The other thing I have been thinking about it what a big deal everyone makes about the fact that we are adopting.  I mean, yes, it is a big deal in the sense that it is a big undertaking.  A big process.  A big commitment of time and finances and emotions.  A big permanent decision that no matter what, you will do what it takes to raise this child and provide for him.  But really, I don’t think of it as any bigger of a deal than having a baby by birth.  Children are a big deal regardless of how they come into your family.  They take a lot of work, time, emotional and financial investment.  You’re making a commitment either way.  Maybe I think this way because I have been “pre-programmed” for adopting.  I don’t know, but it’s just not a “big deal” to me in the sense that I don’t think people need to act like I am Mother Teresa for doing it.  I don’t wear a halo.  Not big on accessories anyway.  I am a mother, and I will be a mother to whomever God adds to our family, and again, I have to quote other Katie here when she said that “My family, adopting [this child], it is not optional. It is not my good deed for the day, it is not what I am doing to “help these poor kids out.” I adopt because God commands me to care for the orphans and the widows in their distress. I adopt because to whom much has been given, much will be demanded. I adopt because whoever finds his life will lose it but whoever loses his life for HIS sake will find it.”  So, yes, adoption is a big deal. I am super excited about doing this.  I am over the moon in love with my son, as I am with my other kids, and I can’t wait to hold him, but it doesn’t make me humanitarian of the year.  One reason is that, and this may sound odd, but in my mind, he’s not an orphan.  Sure, he was technically abandoned by his birth parents, and is currently in the care of an orphan care system, but in my mind, he has been my son since the moment we knew about this match.  He just happens to be on the other side of the world, and I need to bring him home.  Wouldn’t you go to the ends of the earth for your kids?  We always say that.  So… this time we just have to actually do it, I guess.

Having said that though, I have been praying for understanding because, even though I don’t want people making a big deal out of me for adopting, I know that there is a really big God who had orchestrated this whole thing, and adoption is a BIG deal to Him.  I have heard many times that adoption is a picture of what God has done for us.  I sort of got it, but didn’t fully realize the comparisons just yet.  While I’m sure that there are still elements of it that I haven’t fully comprehended yet, my prayer has been all along that God would help me understand His heart in this.  I would hate to be so wrapped up in the technical aspects of it all or in my own impatience while I endure the wait that I miss Him in this.  This past Sunday, God started to unwrap the mystery a little for me.  Like a really dirty window, part of the smudge and dirt was cleaned away so I can begin to see:

James 1:27 is often quoted in adoption circles, as it says “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” Firstly, and this is a sidebar, did you catch the “pure and faultless” part? How many of us spend so much time wondering if we’re doing the right thing?  Wondering who is going to find fault with what we’re doing.  What would it be like if you could do something that you knew God accepts as faultless?  I have many faults.  I get myself into all kinds of crazy conundrums with my thoughtlessness and pride.  How nice to know that there’s at least one thing I know I can do that is “all good.”  OK… sidebar over.

So, if God accepts caring for orphans as something that’s pure and faultless, then clearly it’s a big deal to Him.  The Bible also says “I will not leave you as orphans.” (John 14:18). Stick with me here.  This really is God’s plan. I don’t say this to toot our horn and say “look how holy we are for adopting this poor downtrodden child.”  I’m pointing it out to say “you know how much I love Didi and how excited I am to have him in my family?  Well, did you know that God feels the same way about us, only in a much more God-sized way?!”

Didi is my son.  He was an orphan, separated from his father and mother, alone and helpless in a dark world.  No hope for changing his situation on his own.  In his case, he was most likely abandoned because of a condition he was born with, something he had no control over.  But then, by the grace of God’s plan, we were allowed to come in and say we will be his father and mother.  We will pay the price.  It will take sacrifice on our part, and it won’t be painless for any of us, but we will do it because he is ours and we love him no matter what.  There is nothing we wouldn’t do for him.  He is separated from us by a great divide, but we will cross it to bring him home.  We will not leave him as an orphan.  He will be part of our family forever.  Again, please don’t for one minute think that I have said this because we deserve a pat on the back for it.  That is 100% the opposite of my point.  Here’s my point:

We also have a Father, a heavenly loving creator from whom we have been separated by a condition we have had since birth.  Because of the original sin of Adam, we are born with a sin nature that makes a great divide between us and God.  We can’t help being born that way, but nonetheless, the space is there, and there’s nothing we can do about it.  We were helpless in our sin and alone and in need of someone to claim us.  God stepped in.  He said: these are my children whom I love no matter what.  I know the costs are great and it will be terribly painful, but I will make the sacrifice and pay the price. I will not leave them as orphans.  They will be part of my family forever.  I get it!  It really is a big deal because God did something so big, not because we’re so great, but because He loves us so much!  Yes, adoption is a really big deal!

 So, what about the wait?  Why would this God who loves us and loves his little ones make the wait to hard?  If He really loved us, wouldn’t He bring them home so much faster?  Well again, it is all a picture of what’s to come.  Why do we have to endure all the horrible, painful things in this life?  It’s so unjust, isn’t it?  Why can’t He just fix all the bad things and end the suffering?  Well, he can and he will one day, but it’s not time yet.  God longs to have us home with Him.  He hates the wait too, but He has a plan and it’s not complete yet.  We have to wait here on earth and touch the lives of the people He has planned for us to touch.  Likewise, while I can’t speak to the wait of every family, I think our wait to bring Didi home is the same.

 In the latest Show Hope sponsor newsletter, there was an interview with Mark Hall of Casting Crowns.  When he was asked what the biggest hurdle was that they had to overcome, he replied: “Definitely the waiting… When you sign into something you really believe God is leading you into, there is sort of a spiritual rush that comes with it… Even though everyone prepares you for the wait ahead, it is easy to think in your mind, ‘No, it’s not going to happen that way because this is what God has told us to do so it is going to be easier.’”  I have to admit that I could completely relate to Mark’s thought.  I knew without a doubt that God wanted us to go down this path.  I knew the wait that lay ahead, but being convinced that we were doing the Lord’s work, somehow we wouldn’t have to stand in line like everyone else.  Sad? Silly? Prideful? Delusional?  Who knows?  The reality is that we have to wait in line just like everyone else.  We are already on the “fast track” because of the whole “special needs” issue, but there’s still a line to wait in just like everyone else.  This was particularly easy to believe in back when things were moving so quickly for our paperwork in the beginning.  Then we hit the delay with our home study report.  In the end, we were delayed about a month from our original timeline.  At first I was really upset.  I wanted to blame someone.  I got over that though.  What good would blaming anyone do?  And if God causes things to go super speedy for a reason, then he must cause things to slow down for a reason as well, right?  But why?  Why would He delay this?  We love Didi.  He belongs with his family.  Why can’t he just come home? 

Well, back to the big picture:  God loves us.  We belong with him as his family.  But we still have those people to reach here.  Then I started thinking about all the people who have visited the facility where Didi is.  Maybe it’s because I see things through Didi-colored glasses, but an awful lot of the people who come through there seem to be quite smitten with him.  In my head he’s kind of like a funny little combination of the teacher’s pet and Ferris Bueller.  He’s the mischief maker, the cool kid who gets to bend the rules and do all sort of things the other kids don’t get to do, but then he gets away with it all because everyone loves him. He’s just cute and charming enough to get away with it all.  Wonderful people like Joanna and Bridget and so many others were touched by his story during their time there.  It became so clear to me.  Yes, we love him.  Yes, I want that paperwork to process and clear in record time because we are his family and ultimately he belongs with us.  However, God has a plan for Didi too.  As young as he is, he is showing people God’s heart just by being there.  So, for me to get upset that he can’t come home yet is completely selfish.  Understandable, perhaps, but not justified.  He will come home eventually, that I know.  I pray that God has it arranged for him to come soon, but even if He doesn’t, and there are more delays that we don’t anticipate, I can rest assured that God knows why.  Maybe there are more people that need to meet Didi over there, and learn about God’s plan.   Didi is in the amazing care of the people who love him there, and I have peace knowing that I can trust that God has a reason for the “delay.”

OK, take a breath.  This is long and deep, I know.  My brain has been strained while trying to comprehend it all and then put it into coherent words so I can share it.  I’m almost done.  Look… cuteness!

  Haha!

So, what’s my point here?  Well, there are a few:

1.      1.) God loves us so much.  God loves YOU so much.  He longs to have you as his child.  He is a loving redeeming Father who paid a great price for His children.  Adoption is a big deal because God paid a huge price for His own.

2.     2.)  I don’t have all the answers.  Some of you may read this and say “DUH!  Why are you so dense that it’s taken you so long to figure this out?!”  Others may read it and think “Oh dear, I never realized she was a religious nut! I am leaving this blog forever!”  Both responses would make me sad, but in the end, I’m just excited that I get to see the big picture a little more clearly.  As I said in the beginning, this entry is completely journal-y, and I am opening my heart to you.  You now know me a little better.

3.       3.) While you may not think God has called you to adopt, we are all called to care.  Don’t count out those who speak on behalf of orphans right away just because you don’t feel like they’re going to make you feel like a jerk for not immediately volunteering to get on a plane and come home with a kid.  Adoption is wonderful.  However, we are all created differently and all called to different jobs.  If you have ever considered adopting, then I would encourage you to allow God to explore the topic with you.  But if it’s something you can’t see yourself doing, at least look into how you can help care for orphans.  There are several ways of doing this.  In a shameless plug attempt, I have been so touched by Show Hope’s “Seeds of Change” book.  It’s only $2.  The proceeds go straight to orphan care, so hey… you’re already off to a good start!  It’s a 30 day devotional book, and each day seriously takes, like, three minutes. If you happen to go to my church, we will have them available to you in just a couple weeks.  Read it in the car line at school pick up time.  Read it on your lunchbreak.  Right before bed.  It doesn’t take long, but it helped me really see God’s heart for his little ones.  I love how it explains that God’s not there waiting to smack you in the head with a bat if you don’t participate, but if you let Him lead the way, you will be amazed by the adventure He takes you on and the ways He makes himself known to you along the way. 

      OK, So that’s all.  I know it was a lot of words. You know I’m never short on words.  Thanks for sticking it out.  Don’t know how to end it now.  No neat little bow to tie it all up with.  No thought provoking last words.  Hopefully the rest of it has been thought provoking enough.  Thanks for listening.