Back to the Big Blue House

Part of the reason I was so excited to return to China with Deb, as I mentioned in my “Crazy” post, was because I have wanted so much to return to Maria’s Big House of Hope. We got to visit in December with Asher, but because I had to be hyper-aware of his reactions and his interpretation of the whole situation, I left feeling that I had “missed it” in some way. I hadn’t gotten the chance to just get down on the floor with the other kids, the little ones who were left behind, and love on them at all. I hadn’t picked up a single one, hugged any of them, or given them all that much attention at all, because all my brain power had to go to Asher at that point. So, I was ready to jump out of my skin with excitement at the thought of returning, and doing so out of “mommy mode”. Wednesday, we boarded the little bus with two other families, one from our group, one from another agency, and stared out the window for the two-hour drive from Zhengzhou to Luoyang.

As we pulled up, I was praying that my heart would be open to whatever God wanted to use me for , which has been my prayer throughout this whole journey, but particularly for this day. So many people asked me if I was going back because I wanted to “find my next child”, but I had no intention of specifically looking for someone to bring home with me. I wanted to look into the eyes of these precious little ones and see them for the treasures that they are. So, I tried to enter with no preconceived notions of what my day would look like.

When we first arrived, Mikey (with whom we had dinner in Beijing) met us and took the group on a tour of the building. Having already gotten the tour in December, I asked him if it was OK for me to just wander in and out of the rooms, which he said was fine. Deb was going to come with me, but Jack was having a bit of a hard time working through being there and was feeling uncomfortable with the attention from his previous ayis (nannies), so they followed the group. For Deb's own account of the day, you can readd her blog post here. The first room I went into was the Tinkerbell room. This was Jack’s old room. I was immediately greeted by Judah, who is famous for his Justin Bieber imitation,

Naomi

and another little cutie whose name I don’t know

I played in there with them for a little while, sitting on the floor and taking pictures, and saying “hi” to the little babies who were laying on the big floor mats.

I also got to admire sweet Jessica’s gorgeous hair extensions while she ate her lunch.

Next, it was upstairs to the Cars room. This was Asher’s old room. I had brought some recent pictures of him, and was hoping to give them to his ayis, specifically to the beautiful Li Ya Li, who was very special to him. She, however, wasn’t there that day. The nannies in there did remember him though, and were really excited to see his picture. I had no one in there with me to interpret anything they or I said. So, I’m not sure of everything they were trying to ask, but they did understand that I am his mother, and they wanted to know if I had brought him back with me, and if I was there to bring someone else home this time (EVERYONE wants the answer to that!). In fact, one little guy crawled over and into my lap the moment I sat down, and sat there babbling happily to me for a good 15 minutes or so, and the ayis repeatedly told me “Tian Cheng di di!” (meaning that he should be Asher’s little brother). I smiled, but tried my best to explain that I couldn’t take any home today, despite my large backpack which could have accommodated at least two little ones!

I sat in that room for a good long while and played with the little ones, made that ayi’s day by telling her she could keep the pictures of Asher that I’d brought, and then moved on to the next stop.

I wandered the halls, somehow met up again with Deb & Jack, and then went up to the fourth floor to say “hi” to Lily and Jona, two of the amazing nurses at MBHOH. Lily, if you will recall, was Asher’s nurse, and more than that, she was one of the reasons I think that he has adjusted so well throughout this whole process. She took such amazing care of that little guy, and he was her special little buddy. To this day, if he sees her picture, he yells “Lily”! We didn’t get to visit for too long though, because all the nurses were busy helping out with kids in post-op (there's an amazing surgical team over there right now), and of course I forgot to get a picture of us together because I was not thinking clearly, but it was so nice to see them for even a short while.

We went back down to the first floor to find Isaac, whose family is in the middle of all the paperwork craziness to bring him home.

I carried him over into the pre-school room, where he very opinionatedly communicated to me that he wanted to be put into a chair by the table, and he wanted me to find him paper and crayons so he could color. Being a very obedient girl, I did just what the 4-year-old told me to, and got him set up coloring. Jaelin joined us too,

and per Isaac’s instructions, was set up for crayon time, while Jack hid in the corner with a puzzle. I sat in there with them for a while before heading upstairs to the third floor to hang with the kids in the Madagascar room, wherein I spent a good chunk of time cuddling with a very special little someone.

After that, our guide was acting like she was a little antsy to leave. So I started to pack myself up and headed out to the playground where the rest of our group was hanging out, but then we ended up staying out there for at least another 45 minutes or so before finally saying good-bye, boarding up and heading to lunch at KFC, because “that is where the Americans like to eat,” (according to our guide).

All in all, it was a terrific day! No, I didn’t leave with any kids hidden away in my bag. No, I didn’t leave ready to immediately jump back into the adoption process right away with a specific child in mind. Not yet. No, I didn’t necessarily have any insightful vision of my new purpose in life or even my purpose for being there for the day. I don’t have anything profound to tell you, though I was privileged to witness something that did confirm to me once again that God’s timing is perfect (about which I am not allowed to tell… sorry). I did, however, leave feeling like I got to fill in what I had missed before. This time my only desire was to be with those kids, and though there were still many I didn’t get to see, I did get to devote that little bit of time to them. I was able to hold them in my arms and tell them that God loves them and that they are perfectly made just the way they are and that He has great things for their little lives. Just to whisper in their little ears “wo ai ni” (I love you) and to hear their little giggles and see their gorgeous smiles was the one thing I had hoped for this time around. Am I done there? I certainly hope not. I still hope to come back some day for a mission trip or something. To be able to stay with them for several days and have the whole time to do what I got to do in those few short hours would be even better! I have no clue when that will be a real option though… then again, who knows? I never would’ve believed it back in December if you told me I’d be there twice within one year. So, we’ll see. All I can do at this point is quote Brooke Fraser’s song when she says “Now that I have seen, I am responsible. Faith without deeds is dead. Now that I have held you in my own arms, I cannot let go…”

Deb, Jack, & Maria

Us with Mikey
(not the best picture ever, but we take what we can get when the impatient Chinese guide is our only option as photographer)